The Objectification of Humanity

The older I get, the more I realize that one of the big things I have missed a lot of in my life - is love. Not just the word but the feeling. The unconditional feeling.

Oh, I have given it out aplenty and been slapped in the face with it. Part of it because I am a magnet for pathological types. I was raised by one so this makes unfortunate sense. When the Beatles said "the love you make is equal to the love you take" they didn't have me in mind.

According to psychologist Ilan Shrira, narcissists are more likely to have a history of short-term sexual conquests compared to people who consider commitment the most important aspect of a relationship.

"Narcissists have a heightened sense of sexuality, but they tend to view sex very differently than other people do," said Shrira. "They see sexuality more in terms of power, influence and as something daring, in contrast to people with low narcissistic qualities who associated sex more with caring and love."

It may come as no surprise to hear that men are generally more narcissistic than women. A finding that could even explain the wandering eye syndrome women see in their male partners.

"Even when [narcissists] are in a relationship, they always seem to be on the lookout for other partners and searching for a better deal," Shrira said. "Whether that's because of their heightened sexuality or because they think multiple partners enhance their self-image isn't entirely clear."

The results of one study showed that highly narcissistic people were 50 times more likely to view sexual intercourse as a way of increasing their own sexual pleasure, rather than complementing partner intimacy.

But if you're intending to try and avoid any kind of relationship with a narcissist, you may have your work cut out for you. Narcissists usually have highly developed social skills, and can, on first meetings, appear to be quite charming. But the mood soon changes soon after they've initially won your confidence, says Shrira. "Once you get to know these people, you realize they're very self-focused and are always bringing the conversation back to themselves," he said.

SOURCE

Wait!! No blogging pity party here. I am not doing a 'woe-is-me' post so bear with me. And don't worry - right now I am not in love with anyone either. This is about something else. Not just people. HUMANITY. What led me to think about this was some items sent to me by others via email over the weekend. It ties right into what I believe is the "objectification of humanity."

Let me explain: I have said many times on this blog that I believe a lot of news has drifted the way of soft core porn. Or as I call it the 'Rupert Murdochization' of news. If its not salacious, gossipy, slanderous, hateful, divisive or downright obnoxious - it barely gets a blip on the latest news cycle. Nothing is followed up on. It's just out & out hate mongering, in my opinion. As loose a cannon as Britney Spears is I am bone tired of reading about whether she had panties on or not last night. Or how scantily clad some flavor of the moment was at last night's premiere. Its part of the dumbing down of America.

I am not playing along.

Excerpts:

Many people think of Judaism as the religion of cold, harsh laws, to be contrasted with Christianity, the religion of love and brotherhood. This is an unfair characterization of both Judaism and Jewish law. Love and kindness has been a part of Judaism from the very beginning.

A large part of Jewish law is about the relationship between man and his neighbors.

In fact, acts of lovingkindness are so much a part of Jewish law that the word "mitzvah" (literally, "commandment") is informally used to mean any good deed.

Judaism is not content to leave love and brotherhood as a general ideal, to be fulfilled as each individual sees fit. Judaism spells out, in intricate detail, how we are meant to show that love.

Jewish law includes within it a blueprint for a just and ethical society, where no one takes from another or harms another or takes advantage of another, but everyone gives to one another and helps one another and protects one another. Again, these are not merely high ideals; the means for fulfilling these ideals are spelled out in the 613 commandments.

The full scope of Jewish law goes much farther in requiring us to protect our fellow man. We are commanded not to leave a condition that may cause harm, to construct our homes in ways that will prevent people from being harmed, and to help a person whose life is in danger, so long as it does not put our own lives in danger. These commandments regarding the preservation of life are so important in Judaism that they override all of the ritual observances that people think are the most important part of Judaism.

Jewish law even forbids us from cheating another or taking advantage of another.

SOURCE

Boy oh boy - the non-stop sexual stuff. Covered as "news." I am afraid to let my kids watch television and I rarely let them do so without supervision. The latest from Victoria's Secret, the pills that make sure you only get a period four times a year (I have huge issues with that one but that's another post for another day), some guy making innuendo about how little he "scores," or some girl talking about her latest romp with another up-and-coming. Who cares? Apparently almost everyone but me. But, isn't this harmful to others?

If I wanted porn I would go and rent porn or download some. Which I don't because I find it all disgusting & objectifying. And yes, what this non-stop soft-core salacious feedbag we call news is doing is causing us to OBJECTIFY each other. We stop seeing each other as HUMAN. We need to see each other sentient human beings with feelings, dreams and aspirations. We need to stop harming each other's humanity.

And my friends wonder why I almost never go out.

Just look at this recent selection from SLATE. One of the 'most emailed articles' on the site. There's a war in Iraq, there's oppression of people all over the world, Islamofascism, Israel in jeopardy, clitorectomies, Sharia, rape, problems here in the U.S., yet THIS is what people are emailing each other. Slow news period I guess.

We have lost site of true intimacy or are just incapable of it anymore. I don't mean sex - I mean emotional, intellectual or personal intimacy. Such as the kind between close friends. The unconditional sharing of ideas. As the axiom says "someone who sees & knows all your faults and loves you anyway."

People are not just whistlestops on the way to a good time.

I missed a lot of oneness in my late marriage. Maybe because I am a human being, not a thing or a slave. The MSM is far too efficient at turning all of us into "things." We are all God's creations and God doesn't make "things" of us. He makes us in His image. So, I don't use other people because I try to treat others as I want to be treated. I work to walk the walk, not just talk the talk.

And you?

Intimacy: The Jewish Approach
By Mrs. Leah Kohn

The Western world, the culture we live in, has considerable difficulty with the concept of sexual intimacy. One indication is the culture's obsession with the subject. On highway billboards, in magazine ads, in best selling novels, in almost every form from high art to low language, sexual innuendo dominates.

In Jewish life, sexual intimacy is also a big issue, but in perhaps a more resolved sense than in contemporary society. Jewish intimacy contains the highest potential for spirituality, as a means through which a married couple expresses their holiness. At its highest the sexual union in a Jewish marriage brings holiness beyond the household, into the world at large. This happens through the spiritual, emotional and physical bond of husband and wife.

According to Jewish thought, a husband and wife are originally one soul before birth, split in half when the first of the two is conceived. Marriage - and more specifically intimacy between husband and wife - represents the reunion of halves as a single entity. In describing the reunion that marital relations represents, the Torah tells us, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

Oneness - the central goal of Jewish marriage - is not easy to achieve. By marriageable age, each individual has a unique history and experience, not to mention distinct likes and dislikes. Fortunately, Jewish marriage itself provides tools for reconciling the divergent backgrounds of husband and wife, without promoting loss of individual identity. One such tool is the practice of family purity, with the mikvah (ritual bath) as its centerpiece. Historically, mikvah has played a critical role in Jewish life, so much so that the rabbis of the Talmud ruled that a community without both mikvah and synagogue must first build a mikvah. While mikvah and family purity were once part and parcel of Jewish life, to this day their practice provides stability and richness for a significant percentage of observant Jews.

The word mikvah means collection. A mikvah is a pool that collects natural water from rain, a river or an underground spring untouched by human hands. Though a mikvah looks something like a small pool or bath, it is truly a spiritual tool, rather than an entity connected to personal hygiene. In fact, a user must be perfectly physically clean prior to immersion.

Jewish men and women alike immerse in the mikveh prior to engaging in certain ritual acts. In the practice of family purity, the woman immerses, following a period of physical separation from her husband that commences with the onset of menstruation. On the eve of the night the couple is to resume relations, the wife enters the waters of the mikvah, where she says a prayer inviting God to sanctify her forthcoming intimacy with her husband. Her immersion marks the start of renewed physical intimacy between husband and wife. This phase of their relationship lasts until the start of her next period.

The significance of mikvah in this monthly change of status in a marriage can be understood by examining the spiritual potential of water, itself. According to the Torah, water filled the world in the first stage of Creation. Genesis 1:2 reads, "...when the earth was astonishingly empty, with darkness upon the surface of the deep, and the Divine Presence hovered upon the surface of the waters..."

In connection with the primordial character of water, the waters of a mikveh at their time of collection remain untouched by human hands. (Jewish law mandates they come from rainfall or from an underground source). The waters of mikveh have the potential to renew, refresh and confer a sense of new beginning, reminiscent of the world at its very birth. When a woman visits the mikvah she, in a sense, emerges from the water and starts fresh, unencumbered by past obstacles to her personal growth and vision. After visiting the mikveh she returns home to imbue her marriage, family and relationships with the cohesiveness and harmony that belong to each and every Jewish woman.

Lecture by Mrs. Feige Twerski, adapted from "The Intimate Road: Men and Women in Jewish Relationships," published 1993. Mrs. Twerski provides insight into the challenges facing the family today, with emphasis on the role of the contemporary Jewish woman.

MORE - THE 5 TYPES OF INTIMACY

Pants On Fire

I hate liars. Honestly HATE them. What people who lie to me are saying is that I wasn't worth the truth.

My father, of blessed memory, told me all the time that I had the "curse of being his daughter." Which meant being "unable to lie or being governed by the truth." He got that right. I can't lie even when it would be in my best interest. I was a good actor but in real life I am a terrible liar. I just can't keep things straight if I lie. So why bother?

And my Nana, of blessed memory told me, "no one likes a truth teller." Right again.

Judaism has a lot to say about truth and lying:

...Dishonesty and deception are serious crimes in Jewish law. The Torah explicitly demands that one should "Distance himself from a false matter." There are, however, situations in which Jewish law permits or even demands that one engage in deception...

Recently, a psychology study found that the average person lies about 150 to 200 times per day. At first blush, such numbers seem to stagger rather than inform. Most people would be offended if they were told that they tell an average of eight to twelve untruths every waking hour. Nonetheless, after additional reflection and careful consideration of true day-to-day social interactions, we almost intuit that lying is not only more common than we expect, it is more necessary as well.

The Torah seems to be unequivocal with regard to lying:

"Thou shall not bear false witness" (Exodus 20:16),

"Thou shall not steal, thou shall not deny falsely, and thou shall not lie one to another" (Leviticus 19: 11),

and "Distance yourself from a false matter" (Exodus 23:7).

The first verse clearly applies to witnesses in a court; the second has been defined as a prohibition against swearing in order to avoid returning someone else’s property (see Sefer HaChinuch 226)...

According to the Talmud, the verse "a just hin" teaches us that an individual’s "yes" should be just as should be his "no."

...therefore requires the following five conditions before allowing the honest person to "act perversely":

(1) The antagonist’s record of general conduct is negative.

(2) There is adequate motivation and testimony to justify one’s anticipated concern in the immediate and specific condition.

(3) The intended victim is acting only in self-defense and after the attack has been initiated.

(4) There appears to be no alternative to one’s present course of action. Other options have been tried or are judged not to be viable.

(5) That which is at stake has tremendous seriousness to the intended victim involving a high investment of one’s person or property.


... even when prevaricating is permissible, habitual lying will still be forbidden.

Jewish law does not take an absolutist approach to prevaricating and, indeed, will obligate the individual to lie in various circumstances, for instance, lying to save a life or to bring peace. This, by no means, makes light of the seriousness of lying. The Talmud is replete with statements that stress the importance of truth-telling and remarks that "the seal of God is emeth [truth]" (Babylonian Talmud, Shabbat 55a); "God hates one who speaks one thing with his mouth and another thing in his heart" (Babylonian Talmud, Pesachim 113b); "Whoever breaks his word is regarded as though he has worshipped idols" (Babylonian Talmud, Sanhedrin 92a); and "liars will not receive the Divine Presence (Babylonian Talmud, Sotah 42a)."

The extreme importance of honesty is appropriately summed up by the Talmudic belief that the first question a person is asked in the hereafter at the final judgment is (Babylonian Talmud, Shabbat 31a): "Have you been honest in your dealings?" Despite all this, the Talmud recognizes that there are situations where one may be untruthful.

SOURCE

Now this article was sent to me the other day - how far humanity has fallen from truthfulness -- even with itself:

Study: Gossip Trumps Truth
Jeanna Bryner
LiveScience.com

People are influenced by gossip about others, even when it contradicts what they see with their own eyes, suggests a new study.

Past research has found that gossip—those juicy tidbits of supposed fact we share about a third party—serves many purposes, including strengthening social ties, spreading social norms and helping others avoid double-crossers and other risky partners.

Hearsay can be the most reliable source of information about situations for which you have no experience. But when you hear gossip that's incongruent with a person or incident you are familiar with, you'd be smart to throw that chitchat out the window in favor of your own direct knowledge, right?

The new study, published this week online in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, reveals individuals sometimes place so much stock in gossip that they accept it as true even if their own observations and experiences suggest otherwise.

"Gossip has a strong manipulative potential that could be used by cheaters to change the reputation of others or even change their own," lead author Ralf Sommerfeld of the Max-Planck-Institute for Evolutionary Biology and his colleagues write. "This finding suggests that humans are used to basing their decisions on gossip, rumors or other spoken information."

Gossip game
Sommerfeld and his colleagues examined how gossip transmitted information and how it affected another person's behavior.

In the study, 126 undergraduate biology students played a computer-based game in which each student was paired up with another student (via their computers) and had to decide whether to give a certain amount of their starting money to the partner. By dishing out 1.25 Euros, the receiver got 2 Euros, so being on the receiving end was a must. The assumption was that in later rounds, your generosity would be rewarded with generosity toward you.

Over a series of rounds, students switched their partners and received that partner's track record—how many times the person had given money and not given money. Students were more likely to give money to cooperative partners who had previously given money to others.

Then, they had to write a snippet of gossip about the other players they had virtually-interacted with. Sommerfeld noted some gossip examples: "He's a generous player" or "He's a scrooge, watch out."

No surprise: Players who read a positive comment about another individual, having no knowledge of that person's past generosity record, were more likely to hand over cash to that individual. The opposite was true for negative gossip, where players held tight to their money.

Golden gossip
In another set of rounds, it got more interesting: Players received information on each partner's track record (how often they said "yes" and "no" to doling out money) as well as the gossip blurb.

Without any added gossip information, students cooperated 62 percent of the time. That number increased to 75 percent when students had positive gossip in addition to the partner's track record. Even in instances where the partner had a track record of no giving, positive gossip won out and the other individual handed over money to their partner.

The weirder outcome is that negative gossip decreased cooperation to just 50 percent, regardless of the players' track records.

"If people would act rationally, they would only base their decisions on what they really see because they know exactly the past behavior of these people," Sommerfeld told LiveScience. "But they were still influenced by this gossip."

Gossip also showed this persuasive power in light of any information marring the reputation of the actual gossip monger. For instance, participants acted on gossip even when a blurb (also considered gossip) described the actual source as a "nasty miser" or other uncooperative description.

The scientists suggest the added information might be an overload for participants, or perhaps people don't link cooperative behavior with gossip honesty.

SOURCE


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Flow Chart of Goodness

By Tali Loewenthal

Kindness is often presented as a central virtue of the Jewish people. Abraham, the hero of our parshah, together with his wife Sarah, is a paradigm of kindness. One sees their hospitality to wayfarers at the beginning of the parshah, and later G-d says that He loves Abraham because "he will instruct his household after him to keep the way of G-d, doing charity and justice" (Genesis 18:19).

"Charity and justice" signify acts of kindness, and the Talmud cites this verse when it declares that there are three distinguishing features of the Jewish people, the descendants of Abraham: They are 1) modest, 2) merciful, and they 3) do acts of kindness. "Anyone who has these qualities," the Talmud goes on to say, "is fit to join the Jewish people."

There are different opinions among the Sages as to whether these qualities are natural to the Jewish people or are special "gifts" from G-d. It is also clear that they are ideals that each person has to try to attain. However, taking all three qualities together one sees an intriguing spiritual structure.

Modesty, an inner sense of humility, comes from our experience at Mount Sinai. From then on, says the Talmud, there is a sense of awe in the soul of every Jew. The effect of this inner modesty and awe is to arouse the heart to mercy. The effect of this mercy is to encourage practical acts of kindness and charity.

From the soul, to the heart, to the hand. A flow-chart of goodness. Yet there is a further step, pointed out by the Lubavitcher Rebbe.

Sometimes an act of kindness can lead to a feeling of haughtiness and pride. "I have done you a favour -- so I am on top!"

On the contrary, the traditional Jewish kindness inherited from Abraham is intended to lead back to mercy and love. It does this because it is triggered by modesty and self-effacement. The kindness is really the outer expression of inner self-effacement, and therefore it arouses yet further mercy and love in the heart of the one who is being kind. The flow chart creates a cyclic process. "One Mitzva draws another"; being kind, one feels yet more mercy and love, and becomes yet more kind. This is the Jewish inheritance from Abraham.

FOOTNOTES & SOURCE

Those Pesky Holiday Office Parties

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4 November 2009
RE: Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.

There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols …. please feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline

*********************************************************
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5 November 2009
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we’re calling it our “Holiday Party”. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians.
There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Pauline

*********************************************************
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6 November 2009
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table … you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”; you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore!!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline

*********************************************************
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7 November 2009
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party – or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets. Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress – no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. Low Carb food will be available for those on Atkins or South Beach Diets. For those of you with colon problems, we are NOT responsible if you eat the salads. We cannot control the salt used in the food, therefore, we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply “No Sugar” desserts. Sorrrrrry! Did I miss anything ?!?!?!?!

Pauline

*********************************************************
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November 2009
RE: The F****** Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW !!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday,
The Bitch from HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

********************************************************
FROM: John Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9 November 2009
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay. Happy Holidays ! John

hat tip to the friend who emailed this to me! LOL

Sexual Seduction & Psychic Terrorism

If we as a society, are going to condemn the sexual terrorism done by our government - then we must recognize and take steps to hold the perpetrators of emotional abuse, which includes 'sexual terrorism' accountable.

Should we give Tiger Woods a pass? The way Obama gave Bush a pass?

We need to stop blaming the victims and saying 'they agreed to it' or 'they knew what they were getting into' and hold those who destroy the lives of victims as well as their peace of mind -- accountable.

SEDUCTION. The offense of a man who abuses the simplicity and confidence of a woman to obtain by false promises what she ought not to grant.

2. The woman being particeps criminis, has no remedy for the mere seduction, nor is there, to the discredit of the law, a direct remedy in her parents. The seducer may be sued, though not. directly or ostensibly for the seduction

Just as adultery lingers in the criminal codes of some states, so does seduction.

5 Harr. & J. 27; 1 Wend. 447; 3 Pennsyl. 49; 10 John. 115. Vide 2 Watts 474; 9 John. 387; 2 Wend. 459; 5 Cowen 106; 2 Penn. 583; 6 Munf. 587; 2 A. K. Marsh. 128; 2 Overt. 93; 9 John. R. 387; 2 New Reports, 476; 6 East, 887; Peake's Rep. 253; 11 East, 24; 5 East, 45; 2 T. R. 4; 2 Selw. N. P. 1001; 2 Phil. Ev. 156; 3 Chitt. Bl. Com. 140, n.; 7 Com. Dig. 318; 6 M. & W. 55.

Just type the word "seduction" in to a web search engine and thousands of hits will come back. There are individuals who are selling 'seduction science' as a 'way to get laid' to thousands of people. These techniques involve NeuroLinguistic Programming and Mind Control tactics used by advertisers, public speakers, salesman, public relations, politicians, teachers and marketing professionals effectively for years. However, these 'Get Women Now' gurus turn this into a predatory, can't-lose tactic. A tactic which targets the most vulnerable, trusting persons for nothing but sexual or emotional gain on the part of the seducer.

These seducers have no intention on following through with anything thats said or discussed. In fact, once they have tired of the prey - all they have to do is say "she's a scorned woman, a bunny boiler" or "he's obsessed with me" when they triggered and encouraged the 'obsession' with NLP tactics. These predators who are playing innocent won't give those they harmed and drained dry an honest answer because there is no honest answer to give.

To accomplish this these sexual terrorists may do a number of things:

• Make sure the prey keeps the relationship "secret" (so there's no outside corroboration)
• Get the prey to do things outside their sexual comfort zone (victims often report things like "I don't know why I did that; I never did that before with anyone!")
• Use the sexual trust their prey showed them after the relationship to humiliate them ("she's a whore" or "he's a freak")
• Use the humiliation to keep the discarded prey silent
• Use the humiliation to keep the discarded prey thinking it was 'all their fault'
• Set up an internal kindling process so that the dumped prey will associate anything sexual with the seducer in the future...
• Set up the dumped prey to feel 'dirty' or 'disgusted' with themselves

These things also include a denial on the part of the seduction practioner that it ever happened. The seduction practioner blames the prey for the whole thing. And also uses comparisons such as "my husband/ wife/ partner" is a good person and the prey is a liar, a whore, a stalker etc. This of course keeps anyone from ever wanting to talk to the prey or believe them. And we continue this cycle of torturing each other as either seducer, victim or bystander in willing denial....

All these things set up a kind of mental & emotional torture of being used, humiliated, discarded and smeared that guts the victim inside and out. They then feel powerless and empty. It's a clear sign of the evil that permeates our society. I see it every week in my domestic violence work... and I've had it done to me. It's heartbreaking because it means months of working to deprogram the victim of this seduction cycle terrorism and even more months trying to make them feel whole and valuable again. And society does little to validate these people. It's emotional rape and psychic vampirism.

It's interpersonal vampirism of the worst sort. And is it really much different than what is described in the article below? Does the U.S. doing it this sexual humiliation make it ok? Is it better or worse than the sexual interpersonal terrorism many innocent people experience every single day? Is either acceptable or less bad?

Not in my book. Not by a mile.

Sexual Terrorism
By DAVID ROSEN

The “New York Times” recently revealed the existence of a little-known executive order issued by former President Bush in the summer of ’07 that permitted U.S. intelligence operatives to circumvent restrictions on the use of humiliating and degrading interrogation techniques.

Bush’s order permitted U.S. intelligence operatives to effectively side-step the legal and moral restrictions imposed by the Supreme Court and Congress (and formally approved by Bush) as well as Common Article 3 of the Geneva Conventions.

Brian Benczkowski, a deputy assistant attorney general, laid-out the rationale for the continued subversion of these restrictions:

The fact that an [humiliating interrogation] act is undertaken to prevent a threatened terrorist attack, rather than for the purpose of humiliating or abuse, would be relevant to a reasonable observer in measuring the outrageousness of the act.

The Bush administration’s argument is that an interrogator can utilize what it calls “enhanced interrogation techniques” if he/she believes such techniques will thwart a possible threat or terrorist act. For the administration, illegal (if not immoral) interrogation techniques are a corollary to preemptive military strikes that was its rationale for the invasion of Iraq.

Much attention has been paid to water-boarding as an immoral if not illegal technique utilized in the so-called War of Terror. Little attention has been paid to the equally physically harmful and likely more long-term consequential technique of sexual humiliation and terror.

Buried deep in Mark Mazzetti’s Times article is an intriguing paragraph:

That order specifies some conduct that it says would be prohibited in any interrogation, including forcing an individual to perform sexual acts, or threatening an individual with sexual humiliation. But it does not say which techniques could still be permitted. [New York Times, April 27, 2008]

Yes, what “techniques” of sexual humiliation can still be used?

It seems almost impossible to precisely determine these techniques. Reviews of the CIA, Justice and Defense department’s websites reveal little useful information. Email queries to the Justice Department, including Benczkowski and the media-relations office, have not been answered.

An exhaustive search of the internet has provided no further information about sexual humiliation then the oblique Times reference. (An effort for further clarification from Mazzetti has not succeeded.) This is very much in keeping with Bush administration policies to deny, falsify, obfuscate or simply lie about techniques sanctioned and employed in its fictitious War on Terror.

In the absence of the formal specification of CIA’s approved or utilized (and they are not necessarily the same) techniques of sexual humiliation, one must draw upon previously documented U.S. military and intelligence-agency practices and the techniques used by other militaries. These examples illustrate what the CIA and other U.S. agencies are capable of employing to break those they identify as “terrorists”.

Rape is one of the most barbaric forms of sexual humiliation and terror. Since the Civil War, rape has been increasingly integrated into what is known as total warfare. Women, girls and some boys have been increasingly singled out for systematic sexual abuse during civil conflicts and military campaigns. However, rape has only been limitedly employed against adult male captives detained in Iraq, Afghanistan, Guantánamo or CIA black sites around the world. [see “’The Hard Hand of War’: Rape as an Instrument of Total War,” CounterPunch, Apri1 4, 2008]

The U.S. has employed (and, most likely, continues to employ) a host of other techniques of sexual terrorization to break male inmates. An act of sexual humiliation serves two purposes: to physically harm and to emotionally scar those subjected to such abuse. Sexual terrorization seeks to inflict both pain and shame, to make the recipient suffer and loath himself. Sexual humiliation is intended to break the victim both physically and spiritually, to leave scars on (and inside) the body and in the psyche.

If (or when) top officials of the Bush administration face either an American or international war crimes tribunal over their conduct related to the invasion and occupation of Iraq, sexual humiliation and terror should not be absent from the indictment.

* * *

According to an ABC News report, in response to September 11th the CIA adopted six "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques" in mid-March 2002. These techniques were to be used on a dozen or more alleged al Qaeda leaders detained in CIA black sites. These “approved” techniques consisted of:

* The Attention Grab: the interrogator forcefully grabs the shirt front of the prisoner and shakes him.

* The Attention Slap: an open-handed slap aimed at causing pain and triggering fear.

* The Belly Slap: a hard open-handed slap to the stomach; the aim is to cause pain, but not internal injury.

* Long Time Standing: prisoners are forced to stand, handcuffed and with their feet shackled to an eye bolt in the floor for more than 40 hours.

* The Cold Cell: the prisoner is left to stand naked in a cell kept near 50 degrees and is periodically doused with cold water.

* Water-Boarding: also known as “the water cure” or “simulated drowning,” the prisoner is bound to an inclined board, feet raised and head slightly below the feet; cellophane is wrapped over the prisoner's face and water is poured over him.

Obviously missing from the CIA’s list of interrogation techniques is sexual humiliation, degradation and terrorization. [ABC News, November 18, 2005]

Reconstructing U.S. military and intelligence officials use of sexual interrogation techniques begins in 2004 with Abu Ghraib and Seymour Hersh’s invaluable “New Yorker” article and the CBS “60 Minutes II” broadcast of soldiers’ photos. Their combined impact not only exposed the horrendous treatment of Iraqi prisoners, but made “celebrities” out of three of the perpetrators, Army reservists Charles Graner, Sabrina Harmon and Lynndie England. [see New Yorker, April 30, 2004 and March 24, 2008]

The best single source for details on abuses at Abu Ghraib is the study conducted by Major General Antonio Taguba. In the report’s executive summary, the following "sadistic, blatant, and wanton criminal abuses” are identified as having been used at the prison:

* videotaping and photographing naked male and female detainees;

* forcibly arranging detainees in various sexually explicit positions for photographing;

* forcing detainees to remove their clothing and keeping them naked for several days at a time;

* forcing naked male detainees to wear women's underwear;

* forcing groups of male detainees to masturbate themselves while being photographed and videotaped;

* arranging naked male detainees in a pile and then jumping on them;

* positioning a naked detainee on a MRE [meals ready to eat] Box, with a sandbag on his head, and attaching wires to his fingers, toes, and penis to simulate electric torture;

* placing a dog chain or strap around a naked detainee's neck and having a female soldier pose for a picture;

* sodomizing a detainee with a chemical light and perhaps a broom stick.

In a description of a meeting about the report with Donald Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz and other high-ranking Defense Department officials, Taguba told Hersh: “I described a naked detainee lying on the wet floor, handcuffed, with an interrogator shoving things up his rectum, and said, ‘That’s not abuse. That’s torture.’ There was quiet.” Images of these practices, like similar images of cruelty from the Vietnam and other wars, have become enshrined in the nation’s memory.

Making matters even more sadistic, the festive, if not chaotic, conditions at the prison led male soldiers to engage in “consensual” sexual liaisons with female prisoners and even record their trysts for posterity. According to the Taguba report, “a male MP guard [was] having sex with a female detainee.” [Taguba report, “Article 15-6 Investigation of the 800th Military Police Brigade”; New Yorker, June 25, 2007]

Subsequent to the Hersh and CBS exposés, additional photos, videotapes and personal accounts by military personnel and former detainees have come out. More than one hundred photographs and four videos taken at Abu Ghraib were initially suppressed by the Army's Criminal Investigations Division. In September 2005, and only after ACLU litigation and a ruling by District Judge Alvin Hellerstein, was all the “evidence” finally released to the public. (Dozens of photos can be accessed through google and other sources.) They provide further examples of the sexual abuse systematically employed by U.S. personnel on alleged or suspected terrorists.

Drawing from a host of media reports, a jig-saw-puzzle picture of sexual torture employed in the War on Terror begins to emerge. Two examples are illustrative:

1. Scotland’s “Sunday Herald” reports that a former Iraqi prisoner claimed that there is a photo of a civilian translator raping a male juvenile prisoner; he stated, “They covered all the doors with sheets. I heard the screaming, … and the female soldier was taking pictures.”

2. The Associated Press reports that a former inmate, Dhia al-Shweiri, was ordered by American soldiers to strip naked, bend over and place his hands on a wall; while not sodomized, he says he was humiliated: “We are men. It’s OK if they beat me,” al Shweiri said. “Beatings don’t hurt us; it’s just a blow. But no one would want their manhood to be shattered. They wanted us to feel as though we were women, the way women feel, and this is the worst insult, to feel like a woman.”

Accepting the patriarchal sexism, the humiliation was deeply upsetting.

The experience of another former inmate, Hayder Sabbar Abd, is similarly revealing. Abd is memorialized as the man in the hood in Lynndie England’s infamous photo. In that photograph, the smiling England gives a thumbs-up gesture and points at Abd's exposed genitals.

As reported by the “Independent”:

Mr. Abd said he recalled having his hood removed and being told by the soldiers' Arabic translator to masturbate as he looked at Ms England. "She was laughing and she put her hands on her breasts," he told the newspaper. "Of course I couldn't do it, so they beat me in the stomach and I fell to the ground. The translator said, 'Do it, do it. It's better than being beaten.' I said 'How can I do it?' So I put my hand on my penis, just pretending."

At this point, one of the other prisoners, ­a friend of Mr Abd's identified as Hussein, ­was pushed towards his genitals while the hood was put back over his own head.

"They made him sit next to me. My penis was very close to his mouth. I did not know it was my friend because of the hood. It was humiliating. We didn't think that we would survive. All of us believed we would be killed and we would not get out alive," said Mr Abd.

One can only wonder what England now thinks about Abu Ghraib as she sits in her jail cell at San Diego’s Naval Consolidated Brig Miramar. And how she appreciates the “bad apples” theory in the face of the recent revelation of Bush administration “Principals” approving “harsh” interrogation techniques.

Surprising to many, nearly a year before Abu Ghraib was exposed, in May 2003, British private Gary Bartlam, previously stationed in Basra and the port of Umm Qasr, was arrested in his hometown of Tamworth, Staffordshire. He had brought in a roll of pictures he shot in Iraq to his local photo-developer for processing. A shocked clerk, after reviewing the shots, called the police. Among his photos were:

* a picture showing an Iraqi man being forced to perform oral sex on a (white) man;

* a picture showing two Iraqis apparently being forced to perform anal sex;

* a picture showing two naked Iraqis cowering on the ground.

A flabbergasted Bartlam told the police that he took the shots to show his mom what was going on in Iraq.

Such interrogation practices were not limited to Iraq. According to a report in the “Sydney Morning Hearld”: “Female interrogators tried to break Muslim detainees at Guantanamo Bay by sexual touching, wearing a miniskirt and thong underwear and in one case smearing a Saudi man's face with fake menstrual blood, according to an insider's written account.”

This allegation was confirmed by former Army Sergeant Erik Saar in his book, “Inside the Wire: A Military Intelligence Soldier's Eyewitness Account of Life at Guantanamo.” Saar worked as an Arabic translator at Gitmo from December 2002 to June 2003; Major General Geoffrey Miller, the architect of Abu Ghraib intelligence techniques, was his commander.

According to Saar, a female interrogator employed an innovative technique to "break" a Saudi detainee. He says she removed her uniform top to expose a tight-fitting T-shirt and began taunting the detainee, touching her breasts, rubbing them against the prisoner's back and commenting on his apparent erection. In a draft of his book, Saar’s describes her most ingenious proceedure:

She then started to place her hands in her pants as she walked behind the detainee. As she circled around him he could see that she was taking her hand out of her pants. When it became visible the detainee saw what appeared to be red blood on her hand. She said, 'Who sent you to Arizona?' [the detainee had taken a pilot course] He then glared at her with a piercing look of hatred.

She then wiped the red ink on his face. He shouted at the top of his lungs, spat at her and lunged forward so fiercely that he broke loose from one ankle shackle.

"He began to cry like a baby," the draft says, noting the interrogator left saying: "Have a fun night in your cell without any water to clean yourself."

“The concept,” observes Saar, “was to make the detainee feel that after talking to her he was unclean and was unable to go before his God in prayer and gain strength.” Strict interpretation of Islamic law forbids physical contact between a man and a woman not his wife or family member or with a menstruating woman, who is considered unclean. [The Sun, June 4, 2003;Independent, May 6, 2004; Washington Blade, May 7, 2004; Sydney Morning Hearld, January 28, 2005]

* * *
The American people, through human rights groups, the ACLU, Congress and the Courts, have fought a protracted battle with the Bush administration over the precise meaning of “enhanced interrogation techniques” used in Iraq, Guantánamo and CIA black sites. Recent revelations show just how far the Bush administration will go to cover its tracks with regard to questionable (if not illegal) interrogation techniques.

In December ’07, it was revealed that the CIA destroyed videotapes it made in 2002 (two years before Abu Ghriab) of the interrogation of those it designated “top terrorist” suspects; these tapes were destroyed, as CIA director Michael Hayden explained, because CIA officials at the time were afraid that keeping them "posed a security risk”.

In March ‘08, Bush vetoed an intelligence bill that would have limited the CIA to interrogation techniques approved by the Army Field Manual. It would have banned water-boarding as well as stripping prisoners naked, forcing them to perform sexual acts or to mimic sexual acts, mock executions and beating or burning of prisoners.

In April, ABC News revealed that the highest officials of the Bush administration, what is know as the "Principals," met dozens of times after September 11th to review and approve interrogation techniques. Those who participated in the White House Situation Room meetings included Dick Cheney, Colin Powel, Condoleezza Rice, George Tenet and John Ashcroft; the president was intentionally excluded from the meeting in apparent fear of a possible war crimes indictment.

According to ABC, “the high-level discussions about these ‘enhanced interrogation techniques’ were so detailed, these sources said, some of the interrogation sessions were almost choreographed — down to the number of times CIA agents could use a specific tactic.” The Times mentions that CIA operatives actually demonstrated some of these techniques, including water-boarding, for the principal war criminals. One can only wonder if any of the techniques of sexual humiliation were demonstrated or if the gathered officials had to rely on their vivid (if perverse) imaginations to conjure up the actual practices and their likely consequences for the hapless victims.

Ashcroft is reported to have been the only one troubled by the use of the techniques. Nevertheless, when queried about the meetings, Bush stated that he knew of and "approved" the techniques.

And later in April, the Times ran Mazzetti’s article further detailing CIA interrogation tactics and revealing Bush’s ’07 executive order permitting U.S. intelligence operatives to circumvent restrictions on the use of humiliating and degrading interrogation techniques.

The clock is ticking down on the Bush administration. For all their respective protestations, one can only wonder whether the next president will (secretly) approve the use of cruel, humilating and degrading interrogation techniques, especially sexual terror. Hidding behind plausible deniability is one of the oldest practices of those in power. Morality and the law nearly always take second place to expedience and necessity, whether real or invented.

The Bush administration and the Congress are unlikely to make public the full scope of sexual terrorism used to break the detainee in both body and mind during the War on Terror. Yet, detailing the actual techniques both approved and used by the interrogators (whether CIA, military or civilian contractors) is critical to establishing the true history of the invasion and occupation of Iraq. While wishfull thinking, this accounting might support subsequent war crimes prosecutions.

SOURCE

WISHING EVERYONE A WONDERFUL CHANUKAH

It has been a true pleasure & learning experience meeting other Jewish bloggers (and friends) these last few years. I have learned a great deal from you on my Journey.

May you, your family and those you care about be well & prosper.

Now let's go kick some blog butt. - Barbara

But, You LOOK Fine!

I've heard it. Many of the other invisibly, chronically ill people I know hear it too. That comment: "You look fine" or "you don't LOOK sick." It used to make me mad - now I just feel disrespected.

There are still a handful of people in my life who knew me before. Before I was swept out of life's current by something I can't see. Before I put on a lot of weight due to illness, drugs and surgeries -- and despite appropriate exercise and a healthy diet. Before I spent 75% of my time in bed.

This thing I am now? I don't even recognize it.

The next time someone tells you they are ill when they look fine - before you make that comment - think. Can you SEE a headache? Can you see early stages of cancer? What does a person who is trying to handle pain look like? Are they 'well' if they don't have a cane? (By the way, I should use one - I just refuse.)

And what is God trying to tell us all with these illness? To be less judgmental? To consider a person's character before their looks?

Think about it.

SEEING IS NOT ALWAYS BELIEVING WHEN IT COMES TO CHRONIC INVISIBLE ILLNESS

By Carol Sveilich, MA

Has someone ever said to you, "You look great!" while inside you felt fatigued or were in profound pain? People who live with ongoing pain and chronic health challenges face such dilemmas every day. Since many ongoing symptoms often do not manifest outwardly, people sometimes have a difficult time believing that a person with a healthy appearance and lively demeanor can be experiencing so many profound symptoms and limitations.

Well-meaning acquaintances and family members who say, "but, you look fine," can often unleash a sense of anger or compound the feelings of isolation in the person who lives with physical challenges that are hidden from view. It would be nicer to hear, "I cannot imagine the difficulties you are experiencing. You are incredible!" or "I didn't know you were dealing with such challenges. Tell me more about it. How can I help?" or "You certainly make it look easy, but it must not be easy at all." Acknowledging the condition, rather than belittling or dismissing it, is always welcomed.

Unfortunately, no instruction book exists to guide people living with such ongoing challenges. People with chronic symptoms must sometimes learn to adapt to new routines or limitations. There was a time in their lives when they would promptly recover a bout of feeling ill. But now they find themselves riding a wave of symptoms that wax and wane and never quite go away. This is a tricky ride to maneuver, especially for someone who is accustomed to experiencing decent health and a prompt recovery.

For some, the most challenging aspect of living with ongoing pain is not having control over whether or not they will have a nice day. It is sometimes impossible to make plans, commit to vacations, or even take a trip to see a movie.

This lack of control over symptoms can leave a person feeling as though they live within the body of an unpredictable stranger. Not surprisingly, Nazi concentration camp survivor and psychiatrist, Viktor E. Frankl, compared his loss of control in prison to that of a person imprisoned in a body with chronic illness. His inspiring attempt to control attitude, if not circumstances, is one that can easily apply to the growing population who live with chronic pain.

Many individuals do not give in to their pain or illness. When faced with strenuous situations, they tend to push themselves beyond their comfort level. As a result, they pay a high price for overexertion, which often aggravates the condition or illness. Symptoms may worsen for days or even weeks. Sometimes having a good day is simply having a day that is realistically paced. Honoring limitations is one of the most difficult challenges for those whose lives are invaded by pain. They tend to move beyond their comfort levels into a more psychologically comfortable space so that they appear normal and perfectly capable. Over time, they must learn the fine art of managing their condition and learning to say no to many of the activities and chores most people take for granted.

Some people who live with chronic conditions and the associated limitations grow tired of being tired. They sometimes decide to challenge their limitations or else let limitations be overridden by the sheer force of their willpower. Some people have the mental determination but lack the corresponding physical stamina. It's as if the mind and physical body vibrate at different frequencies and race or rest at entirely different levels. In your mind, you might have all of these ideas or projects that you'd like to accomplish, articles you'd like to write, jobs you'd still like to hold. You are still an energetic person even though your body may not be energetic. It's difficult to merge the desire to do, with a body that is unable to accomplish what the mind wants to direct.

The person must always remember to get past the guilt that is sometimes associated with taking frequent rest periods during the day. The person who lives with chronic symptoms must constantly play the trade-off game. What can I cut today? What has to be done, and what can be shelved for awhile? How can I save my energy? How can I reshuffle the responsibilities before me so that I can maintain my stamina? If they don't alter their lives in significant ways by juggling, pacing, and simplifying activities, symptoms can become even more difficult to manage and adjust to.

Let's face it. Human nature, for the most part, is visually oriented.

We believe what we see and often make character judgments based solely on visual perceptions.

Society is simply not attuned to the needs of these people with easily concealed disorders such as chronic pain. While many feel compelled to help someone with an obvious physical challenge, they may respond negatively when asked to help or provide special accommodations to someone who appears healthy and looks just fine.

But, what happens when the person who appears healthy, energetic, and just fine to family, friends, and coworkers, is quietly suffering with chronic pain. Often, they simply learn to play the part of being pain-free. "Sometimes I think I should just go into acting!" Shawna laughs. She lives with the painful symptoms of endometriosis and already feels like a seasoned actress. "I should win an Oscar for some of the roles I've had to play in trying to hide my pain and symptoms from others."

Marilyn was brought up to do everything for herself. Independent by nature, she certainly does not like to admit that she needs help. "I'm sure I give the impression that I don't have a problem with pain, and that confuses people. On the one hand, I'm saying 'I hurt and am tired,' but if they look at me, they don't see the pain and fatigue."

"It's discouraging and demoralizing to be in pain every single day," says Peggy, who lives with the chronic symptoms of fibromyalgia, a condition characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain. It is one of many heterogeneous illnesses; meaning that each person may experience the same disorder in a variety of ways. "Sometimes I become overwhelmed with the pain. It wears me down and takes a lot of explaining because most people cannot relate to being in pain all of the time."

Chronic pain is real. Yet it is sometimes difficult to talk to friends and family members about it. Not only do people want to be free of chronic pain, they do not want to feel like a burden. "It's a large part of who I am. I just don't want to be pitied by my friends or be known as 'the suffering one' to those I love or the people I work with," says Donna.

"Everyone becomes tired of hearing about how much I hurt, including myself! Some people think I am making it up or exaggerating my symptoms. But chronic pain is my reality. Even the medical community doesn't always take my pain seriously."

Pain management seems to be at the vortex of incompatible agendas among government watchdogs, insurance companies, doctors, and patients. Fear of addiction is the key issue. Concerned that the patient will become addicted, doctors are sometimes hesitant to prescribe painkillers. However, individuals with chronic pain, or those who require significant pain management, rely on analgesics just as a diabetic depends on insulin. Erica, a mother of three, counts herself fortunate. "I now have a good doctor who does not shy away from the issue of pain management. He prescribes the appropriate medication when needed and necessary. I go about my life, but when the disease acts up, I'm not afraid to medicate and then move on."

Some people who live with painful conditions feel the need to be stoical about their plight. They see their pain as a sign of weakness, or feel their character is being disparaged because of their suffering, and thus refuse to manage their symptoms with effective treatments. They deprive themselves of the relief that may allow them to regain a better quality of life.

Jill is just beginning to learn the intricate rules of the pacing-game. It is terribly tempting for her to try to play catch-up when she happens to have a good hour or day.

"Sometimes I start to feel better, get excited, and feel that I should take advantage of feeling better. So I begin to get things done and end up doing too much. I've only just learned that instead of trying to get a lot done while feeling well, I need to temper that phase so that I don't 'crash.' This is so obvious and yet so hard to do, because it is exciting to feel good."

The struggle of pain and exhaustion is a daily concern. Fatigue is a part of many chronic conditions, and making a place for this unrelenting weariness becomes a way of life. After awhile, it becomes impossible to remember what it is like not to feel exhausted. It is important to recognize that you may be able to perform some of your previous activities, but less frequently or for a shorter duration of time. People with chronic disorders can learn to work with their bodies and to recognize their limitations, but it often takes a bit of time and some trial and error.

People who live with concealed disorders talk in terms of good days and bad days. Performing one major task per day helps many people to manage their world, even if only in small bites. Deciding what is a priority and what can wait becomes a new and crucial skill. Pacing and juggling tasks and pleasurable activities become skills that optimize chances for a manageable life.

Families may have to find a new way of playing and having fun together when one member of the family becomes chronically ill. Old hobbies and recreational trips may make way for new and creative replacements. Playing board games rather than camping, for instance, can keep families connected and involved in each others' lives.

Delegating is a crucial survival skill to develop. This is often difficult especially if you link self-worth to tasks completed. For instance, if you live with chronic back pain or fibromyalgia, you may have difficulty asking the grocery store-bagger to assist them to the car. Accustomed to being self-sufficient, many with pain may equate help with weakness and the loss of dignity. They desperately want to remain self-sufficient and resist surrendering to fatigue and pain. Others, however, may regard such a request as a way to reserve and restore some energy and preclude the most persistent pain. It's important to keep at the forefront of your mind that learning to accept help can actually be a favor to others. Accepting help from friends and family may be easier if you look at it in this way: You are helping them to cope.

But what is chronic pain really like to live with? If you have not experienced it, it is difficult to describe such a steadfast companion.

Albert Schweitzer once said, "Pain is a more terrible lord of mankind than even death itself."

Many who have lived with chronic pain would echo those sentiments. However, is crucial to remember that, in the end, nothing can compromise your spirit. You are not your pain. You are not your illness. Look at your physical state of health as the movement of the ocean. There will be mighty waves at times, but in other hours or future days, the tide will also recede, and there will be calm periods where you will find relief. The good news is that we have the capacity to make some issues foreground and some issues background in our lives. This is a choice that we can make all day long throughout our lives. What part of your illness can you put in the background, if only for a short while? Have a visit with someone you love. For that moment, you can welcome your joy to the foreground, even if only slightly. Keep inviting those inspiring, meaningful moments into your life. Most of the time, life is all about small and precious moments.

The goal is not necessarily to become well, but to learn to accept what life has handed us. It may not always be a welcome gift-this one of chronic symptoms and unpredictable days-but rather an opportunity to learn more about our inner strength and the importance of the people in our lives. It is also a chance to use the gifts within that would have otherwise sat dormant. Sometimes, learning to be compassionate with ourselves is a far more difficult assignment than caring for others. Fortuitously, chronic physical pain or symptoms often force us to care for and about ourselves in new and profound ways.

Learning to feel hopeful again is a vital stage towards acceptance of our condition and making peace with the pain. Today, there are more beneficial treatments and resources for chronic pain than ever before. Support groups for specific conditions meet regularly, both in person and online. Camaraderie and information are only a mouse click or telephone call away. Numerous organizations for particular illnesses and conditions, such as the National Pain Foundation provide educational information to those with health challenges and to their family members. There is also a vast amount of research underway. Medical scientists and alternative healthcare professionals are learning to recognize, control, and in some cases prevent, a host of chronic disorders. There are many reasons to feel hopeful if you shift your focus and maintain awareness that the future holds possibilities that cannot even be imagined today.

No one chooses to have a chronic illness or experience unyielding pain.

When struck with a disability, people usually feel compelled to return to their former selves and rejoin previous routines. Almost primordial in nature, we intuitively ache for a bygone era when life was predictable and comfortable. To accept a new and limited way of functioning is not very appealing. Why should a person want to live happily in a body that is out of order?

There are many who fight an illness or condition that seems resistant to interventions. Some become gifted at taking flight. They ignore and run from a chaotic set of symptoms that has shattered their habitual schedule. Despite the frustrations and various stages of grief, most people eventually move on and coexist in relative peace with their disorder. They learn to dance with the pain using new steps and discover what they can now do rather than what they used to do. Having lost the ability to kick up their heels, they learn to tap their toes to a new tune, perhaps a bit closer to the ground.

Carol Sveilich, M.A., is a group facilitator and counselor in San Diego, California. Her background includes conducting support groups for those with health challenges, serving as an academic counselor, and developing newsletters, columns and articles to assist and educate others with chronic health disorders.

John Lennon - Gone 29 Years

I hadn't lived in NYC a full year when Mark David Chapman ended the life of one of my Upper West Side neighbors - John Lennon.

This year I celebrated living in NYC 30 years... more than 1/2 my adult life.

This year, Lennon is gone 29 years.

My Favorite Lennon Song:

by Kyle Anderson

Today is the anniversary of the murder of rock legend John Lennon, who was killed outside his apartment building just before 11 p.m. via five gun shots. The killer, Mark David Chapman, had been stalking Lennon for months and even had contact with him earlier in the day (Lennon signed a copy of Double Fantasy for the guy who would take his life only hours later). Chapman's motives remain unclear to this day (the film Chapter 27, starring 30 Seconds to Mars frontman Jared Leto as Chapman, didn't offer many suggestions), but he remains incarcerated in a state prison in New York and has been denied parole five times, often because of campaigns lead by Lennon's widow Yoko Ono.

Lennon's legacy is, of course, iron-clad. Often thought of as the brain of the Beatles (with Paul as the heart, George as the soul and Ringo as the drummer), Lennon has created some of the most timeless rock songs in the history of the genre, and his influence gets renewed with every generation of future musicians who discover Revolver. It's been a big year for Lennon's songs, as they were featured on the extremely well-received video game "The Beatles: Rock Band" and the complete catalog was remastered in both stereo and mono versions of a deluxe box set. Lennon's solo career is constantly being re-evaluated as well, with albums like Imagine and Mind Games getting deluxe re-issues and critical praise.

But his best work remains his first. Check out the video for "Love," from Lennon's solo debut John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band.

John Lennon - New Music - More Music Videos

CLICK HERE FOR THE LENNON SONG I WANT PLAYED AT MY FUNERAL

I hope John & George are having a great time together today!

SOURCE

Obama's Surrender Time-Table

by David Warren

President Barack Obama announced this week, in his latest glamour speech -- this one choreographed among cadets at West Point -- the substance of the new U.S. "Afghan strategy."

I last wrote about this on Oct. 28, when we'd been waiting seven months for particulars to accompany the glamour-speech "comprehensive, new strategy for Afghanistan and Pakistan," that was delivered last March. I suggested that Obama had shown himself to be a president unable to make hard decisions. He makes speeches instead -- vacuous speeches that sound very grand to a poorly-informed mass audience, but on reading we find only posturing narcissism. This is a serious flaw in the "leader of the free world."

But even presidents who can't make decisions get cornered by "events," and eight months after his initial rhetorical offering, with much additional posturing, Obama finally gave the U.S. and allies a policy of sorts. It was designed to provide "something for everybody." For those who believed his campaign promise to be "strong on security," 30,000 new troops were to be sent into action. For those who didn't, he added the promise that they would all be withdrawn shortly after arrival.

Within 24 hours, this new policy was dutifully acknowledged and saluted by all the NATO heads of government, in the time-honoured manner: rhetorical support to compensate for inadequate contributions to the mission.

What they say, and what they think, are of course two different things. For I can't believe Stephen Harper, or any of the other current NATO heads of government, is capable of believing a mission with no end in sight after eight years can be crisply wrapped up in Obama's arbitrary time frame of 12 to 18 months (when he has just wasted eight). And this is not only a moral question -- playing with human lives in a dream world -- but also a matter of sound politics. The public must be prepared for bad news in the future, or the politician who misled them will reap the consequences.

Obama would seem to have spent those last eight months in the Afghan file cherry-picking this worst possible combination of policies: "Escalate, then cut and run."

Or we could use a hockey analogy. Suddenly it's the last minute of play, and you're down one goal. So you pull your goalie, and put in an extra defenceman.

Gen. Stanley McChrystal gets three-quarters of the troops he requested, but no clear approval of the missions he wanted them for, which included more aggressive and continuous attacks on Taliban sanctuaries.

Instead, the new troops are to "protect population centres." That is certainly one of the functions of troops: to make the civilian Afghan population feel safe enough from Taliban attacks that they will not feel the need to make accommodations with the enemy. But that intention is undercut when they know those troops will soon be gone. (And the Taliban need only await the final buzzer.)

Indeed, the very delivery of these extra troops "a day late and a dollar short" was accompanied by dark insinuations in Obama's speech that the Bush administration before him had failed to provide the resources their generals had requested. Former defence secretary Donald Rumsfeld, quiet in his retirement, rightly spoke up on this, knowing it to be a lie, and demanded an inquiry.

It is extremely bad form on the part of the current U.S. president, to continue slandering the previous administration, as a source of cheap excuses. This shows a terrible inability to assume responsibility; and is the more reprehensible in light of Bush's refusal to blame the Clinton administration for ghastly oversights that contributed to 9/11. It was not in the American interest to backbite; and a president is obliged to remember that national interest.

But back to the future. Whoever is to be blamed for failure to eliminate the Taliban, the task of eliminating them remains. The idea that, in a new arbitrary time frame of 12 to 18 months, Afghan forces can be trained to do this, is ridiculous. For as we've found in Iraq, it takes considerably longer, not merely to teach people how to use high-tech western equipment, but to inculcate the western values, including habits of organization and discipline, that can make them an effective fighting force. There is no wand for some Circe to wave.

Having telegraphed the escalation last March, Obama will certainly find an enemy that is ready for it. The Taliban have been experimenting with new locales for insurgency in the north of Afghanistan, for the express purpose of draining and diffusing allied anti-insurgency efforts. They will be very grateful for Obama's precise exit schedule; for while they were expecting U.S. stamina to run out within a couple of years, they now have a time-tabled commitment to surrender.

SOURCE